As Christians, we often talk and sing about a God who can do anything; but when it comes to making our marriages work, we act as if God has gone on vacation and left us to do the dirty work of maintaining and repairing our marriages. God, who created marriage, is passionate about making your Christian marriage relationship work. But Christian marriages all over the country are ending in divorce at an enormous rate of over 30%. Why?
While a good marriage requires two people who are committed to making it last, as a Christian woman, you have the power to add what may be lacking in your own marriage. This secret ingredient is called “FUSS.”
Before we go any further, you’re probably saying to yourself, “I fuss all the time, but it’s not getting me anywhere.” When I mention the word, “FUSS”, I’m not talking about the nagging type of fuss that can cause your husband to crawl back into his proverbial shell and refuse to open his heart to you. I’m speaking of “FUSS”, an acronym for “Fight Until You See Solutions!” I want to give you a clear definition of “FUSS” and show you how to apply this concept to your Christian marriage. But first, let’s look at how Christian marriages compare to other marriages, and how your Christian marriage can be stronger than any other marriage on the planet.
Christianity is not a religion, but a faith relationship which results in a lifestyle of unconditional love. With this being said, when we compare other religions with the lifestyle of Christianity, we see a difference in values. For instance, some religions believe in polygamy or having numerous wives (or husbands), whereas Christianity sees marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman, (Titus 1:6).
In addition, the Christian faith is defined by unconditional love of God for mankind, and as a result, God’s people should express a love for God and other people on a consistent basis. This love concept is especially applicable to the marriage relationship. While other faiths may focus on other areas of the marriage relationship, Christian love is expressed in 1 Corinthians 13, a love that endures and overcomes anything. When applied properly, this love can overshadow the disagreements, anger, tough times, and disappointments that can threaten to tear a marriage apart.
God wants to bless you and your marriage, and for this reason He will equip you with the grace and resources you need to help your marriage thrive. A few resources you can start using today include:
•Reputable Christian marriage forums.
•Reading Christian-based marriage books.
As a Christian woman, your first weapon in protecting your marriage should be prayer. This is simply you having a conversation with God. You can talk to God about anything, and you don’t need to worry about your business being told to others. Often when I pray, I use a marriage journal and I write love letters to God. I discuss my husband, my fears, and my goals. However, I also, try to give God time to speak to me. It’s often so easy to talk to God and tell Him our problems, but it can be a challenge to take a few moments to get His response. Take time today to listen to your Heavenly Father’s voice. He may speak to your heart, through another person, through a sermon, or through something you read.
Christian marriage forums can also offer you a great opportunity to view discussions related to some of the marriage problems you’re facing. However, while these forums enable women to express their emotions, feelings, and concerns about their own issues, you should be cautious about what you share on these discussion forums. You should also be extra careful about the replies you receive through these forums because you really don’t know who is responding to your question or comment(s). With that being said, one reputable Christian forum I recommend is Focus on the Family.
Another resource that offers great marriage help is reading Christian-based marriage books. There are books written on subjects such as:
•Sex and marriage
•How to Function Properly in a Second Marriage
•Handling Stepchildren within the Marriage
•And much, much more.
A few books I recommend include:
•The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted by Gary Chapman
•The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge
•For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
•The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
These are just a few, but reading Christian based books can give you a more realistic and intimate perspective from well-known experts who you know have been married for a substantial amount of years.
Now let’s look at how you can “FUSS” your way to a better Christian marriage.
F – Fight. When we fight, we should focus on Christ. In marriage, we are tempted to focus on so many things instead of the root of our solutions. We focus on our children, our husband’s faults, reality TV, ministry, friends, etc. While many of these things are important, can they really help us to solve our marriage problems? When you focus on getting into the presence of God, He can overwhelm you with the unconditional love you need to give your husband in spite of his sins, flaws, and mistakes, (1 Peter 4:8).
U – Until. Working through your marriage problems, in most cases will require some time and a lot of effort on your part. This means you’ll need to exercise patience. One of our biggest issues came when I lost my job and we began to suffer financially. My husband, (as do most men), became distant as he felt the pressure of financial responsibilities cave in on him. Our arguments increased and I felt emotionally distant from him, which led me to become bitter and cynical about marriage. In addition, I became attracted to my former boss, (which was weird because he wasn’t even my type). With time, however, I began to do some things as I waited for God to work on my marriage relationship and get the necessary marriage help I needed, (Psalm 40:1-2).
I took time to:
•Reflect on and admit how I contributed to our marriage problems.
•Praise and worship God for the good things He had already done in my life and in my marriage.
•Study God’s Word to discover His unconditional love for me so I could overcome my own sins, flaws, and insecurities.
•Study my husband and get reacquainted with him so I would know how to communicate and respond to him better.
•Communicate with my husband in a way that he would respond properly.
S – See. I had to see a vision of my marriage working, (Hebrews 11:1). Although my marriage wasn’t where I wanted it to be at the time, I had to believe that God was going to restore it until I saw the results in the physical realm. Was it hard? Of course it was, but God was faithful to honor my prayers and requests by blessing my marriage and bringing solutions to a desperate situation.
S – Solutions. Eventually, I began to see a change in my husband. However, I also believe that through my time of Focusing on Christ, and waiting on God, my husband had seen a change in me. As you focus on Christ and do your part by following His lead, you will start to see solutions. Thank God for every improvement in your marriage even the small ones!
Instead of fussing in the natural which can cause your husband to shut down, you should consider the resources available to you such as worship, prayer, Bible study, Christian based marriage forums and books. Then do what you can do to genuinely “FUSS” or Fight for Your Marriage Until You See Solutions! When you do your part, then you can expect God to do His part.