This Christian marriage help gives you five signs that your marriage involves unhealthy submission. Submission works in tandem with the husband loving his wife as his own body and as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is not God’s intention that a wife be abused, neglected, controlled, or mistreated. Here are five signs you can use to evaluate the health of your partnership:

Your husband doesn’t ask you what you think about things or consider your input as important as his own. Submission is meant to be a partnership where both people are equally important. Headship involves the husband leading and protecting his wife and the family. A man who doesn’t care what his wife thinks about things and who ignores, stifles, or neglects her input is not acting in love; he is taking advantage of her.

Your husband does things that he knows hurt you. God intended for a wife to be loved and cared for and treated softly and gently by a man who recognizes that she is emotionally more sensitive than him and needs to be guarded. A man who is harsh with his wife and willing to hurt her without concern is not loving his wife the way God intended.

Your husband uses submission to shut you down and control you. Submission isn’t a way to terrorize a wife. It isn’t meant to give the man a trump card to play anytime he wants to control his wife. Men who abuse submission use it as a way to manipulate their wives into getting their way through the use of it as a power play. Men often blame their wives for all the problems by simply claiming that if she were to submit more-meaning not speak her mind, not hold him accountable, and not give her opinion-then there would be no marriage problems.

Your husband doesn’t submit to you. Ephesians 5:21 says we should all submit to one another. This give and take is to characterize all relationships and doesn’t exclude the husband from submitting to his wife. If your husband never gives in to you, never gives up his preference, and never allows you to make choices, then it isn’t healthy submission.

You don’t feel loved or cared for. When a marriage is as God intended, a wife will know she is loved and cherished. If you do not feel loved or cared for by your husband, then it is a sign that your marriage has problems and that your husband isn’t doing his part to love you. If you are submitting and not being loved in return, your submission is probably unbalanced.